Our mind does what it thinks we want it to do AND we wonder why we have the issues we have? You may think it is easy to change the way we speak to ourselves, however this is not the case.
Our thoughts have been programmed during our childhood years in the way we have viewed ourselves in certain situations and this carries with us throughout adulthood.
Now, the voice - the thought in our head, may not be a nice thought, which in turn causes us to feel pain. Nobody wants to feel pain. So what do we do?
Our analytical conscious mind finds a way to feel better: Let's try harder; Let's do more; Let's have a drink; Let's go shopping; Let's clean the house again; Let's eat more junk; Let's have sex again; Let's party; Let's go to sleep ……… the list of behaviours and reactions are endless. All of these being a band aid to feel better.
How about trying another way by going back to the cause of the issue?
That is the healthiest suggestion I can give you. Understanding why you felt a certain way from a situation years ago, is the key to letting the negative self talk go.
Understanding is power. Many of us, as children, feel our power has been taken from us when uncomfortable things happen that is out with our control.
I was recently working with a client who was exhausted in not allowing himself to take time off. And if he did, the immense feeling of guilt would make him work all night to make up for the time he took off. He wanted to know WHY he could not stop this behaviour?
This is a short summary of the way our session went - for confidentiality reasons, we shall name this client BILL.
During our session, Bill told me that he was recently divorced and was in the middle of a major expansion with his business as well as looking after his children every weekend. Things were getting too much for Bill and he was exhausted, yet could not allow himself to slow down. His goal was to live a healthy balanced life, enjoying time with his kids whilst building his business and having the energy to do this. His mind knew exactly where the cause of his issue originated from and the reason his present day's thoughts had been perceived so many years ago and how this was playing out.
My job was to take Bill into the hypnotic state and the powerful mind would do the rest - and it did. We asked the subconscious to go right back to the cause of Bill’s issue and within minutes the childhood memory came into Bill’s mind. Of course Bill could not re-live this event as it was in the past, but he could review it as if a movie was playing.
The movie played out like this:
There was a young boy aged around 8, hiding from the chaos, hiding from his mum and dad yelling. This made “Child Bill” feel as if he was to blame in some way. Taking the beliefs from this event to be: It was his fault; He was trouble; If they didn’t want each other then how could they want him?; He must be bad and unwanted.
Bill learnt very quickly to run away and entertain himself. He would create projects to keep his mind busy. He would build lego castles and at the same time read a book and cycle on his bike in the woods. Bill never kept still.
He was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 10; his parents were frequently called to the school due to Bill having a lack of focus and attention; Bill became withdrawn and was recognized as the challenging child.
Moving on to his teens he moved all his focus onto learning construction. During our session, Bill uncovered many patterned behaviours and understood so much more. He was then ready to let go of the negative looping thoughts on his "hamster wheel" and allowed himself to be reprogrammed with a positive mindset.
It was quite remarkable to see Bill reveal so much in our session even making a connection with the industry he chose to work in - he owns a successful construction business.
His recent divorce had been a major trigger for him and he totally understood why. I tell all my clients that our behaviours, reactions/actions, issues and habits are serving us well in some way and this leads me to the formula I work with. Situations, events that happen in our childhood have us perceiving something about ourselves (it is not the event itself) and this remains in our thinking process, our thoughts.
These thoughts trigger the feeler, the emotion in us, and this plays out in the action or reaction or behaviour or issue.
Now imagine changing the thought?
We all have the power to do this, once we understand where it originated.
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Disclaimer
This blog is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians and/or mental health counsellors. The reader should regularly consult a physician in matters relating to his/her health and particularly with respect to any symptoms that may require diagnosis or medical attention. Although this blog is based on actual experience, all the characters are completely fictional. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.